


make it through the night

by invisibledaemon



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Infinity War, Infinity War spoilers, post-a4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14459004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisibledaemon/pseuds/invisibledaemon
Summary: She's alive. He's alive. They're both alive.When Peter's awake and Gamora's in his line of sight, he knows this. Sleep, though, is a different matter.





	make it through the night

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't really spec for A4. I don't go into details about how they save the universe/get everyone back, just that it happened already!

He wakes with a start, heart hammering and for a moment unsure what’s real and what isn’t.

Not an unfamiliar situation lately. 

“Peter?” 

He turns his head and lets out a sound of pure relief when he sees Gamora lying there next to him, holding her arms open. He’s not sure if she was already awake or if he woke her; he’s just grateful she’s there. 

“Gamora,” he breathes, quickly shifting to lay facing her. Her arm comes down around him and he cups her face with trembling hands. She stays still, letting him look at her, probably absorbing his face as well. This reassurance, this grounding, has also become a common occurrence for them over the past few weeks. 

After a moment, something loosens in his chest and he sighs, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers. 

“What was it this time?” she whispers. One of her hands is making big, slow circles along his back, the other stroking his hair. He lets that and the sound of her voice wash over him; _she’s alive, she’s alive, they’re both alive._

“I killed you,” he chokes out, only becoming aware right then that he’s crying. “Shot you like--” He doesn’t finish. She knows. 

It’s not even the worst of the recurring nightmares. The one where he has to watch _Thanos_ kill her, knowing that’s exactly what she didn’t want, that it’s her nightmare literally come to life. 

That it actually happened. 

“It’s okay,” she says. It’s not. She knows that, too. Sometimes he’s not sure either of them are ever going to be okay again. But he appreciates the sentiment nonetheless. 

He shifts, moving his head to bury it into the crook of her neck and pull her closer. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to kill you… I’m sorry I tried.”

“Sweetheart,” she says softly; one of their most intimate and rarely-used pet names, only brought out in extremely emotional situations. He lets out a little sob. Not too long ago, he’d thought he’d never hear her say it again. 

“Don’t be sorry,” she continues. “You did exactly what I asked of you, and I love you so much for it.”

He nods against her. He knows this. She’d told him this many times. But it’s hard to deal with the fact that he would’ve killed the person he loves more than anything, even though it’s what she wanted. 

They’re quiet for a moment as he attempts to control his breathing, to feel her everywhere they’re touching so he can constantly remind himself that she’s alive, that they fixed it. 

Then he feels a tear that’s not his own hit his neck. “I’m sorry I asked that of you,” Gamora says, very quiet. “I know it was -- so much. But I knew he’d be able to get it out of me, and…”

“And?” Peter whispers, rubbing her back now. 

“Selfishly,” she says, like every word costs her something to get out, “I wanted the last thing I saw before I died to be you. Not… him.”

“Oh, Mora.” He kisses her neck, feels her swallow. “I’d have wanted the same thing.”

She makes a noncommittal noise and he holds her a little tighter, wishing for probably the millionth time that none of this had ever happened. Both of them have gone through so much, but Gamora… she already had enough trauma to last a lifetime. She really didn’t need all this on top of it. 

“What did you dream?” he asks after they’re quiet for another beat. 

“Falling,” she says flatly. “Cold. Hitting the ground.” 

He inhales shakily; that one seems to be her most common. 

He has it sometimes, too. He knows what happened when she… that First Time. When everything went wrong. He wishes he didn't.

“I wish we couldn’t remember," he says. "I wish they could’ve just… turned back time. The end.”

“I know,” Gamora murmurs. “This is just something we have to live with, though.”

“Well… as long as I get to live it with you.”

He feels her exhale against his neck and he smiles -- a tiny, relieved smile; that’s probably the closest she’s going to be able to get to a laugh right now. An extremely small step on the return to normalcy, but they’ll get there. Together. 

“You do,” she says, pulling back to rest her head on the pillow next to his, their faces separated by centimeters. He cups her cheek again. He’d always been able to spend hours just staring at her face, but now he feels like he may never be able to stop. _She’s alive, she’s alive, they’re alive_.

“You should go back to sleep,” he tells her, noting the heaviness of her eyes, knowing how little sleep they’d both gotten the past couple weeks. 

“Okay,” she says, making no move to close her eyes. “You, too.”

“Okay.” He keeps staring. 

Someday, he thinks, the two of them are going to be able to sleep through the night again. But right now he doesn’t need sleep; he needs to see Gamora alive. 

And that’s not going to happen in his dreams for a long time.


End file.
